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[13 Mar 2006|09:31pm] |
So check this out., In two days....I'll be legal.
Crazy huh?
No more babying. Well ok I'll still get babying, but you know what I mean. Hehe. I'll be 18. Crazy crazy crazy. So now I can die for my country, but I still can't get drunk. Damn.
Not much to say; I'm a blank canvas lately, anyone wanna write a story on me. Or maybe make a painting. I love paintings.
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| Its been...a long while. |
[06 Mar 2006|09:50pm] |
So..uh...what to talk about?
A lot has happened. By the way my mother is fine; thanks for everyone that responded to that.
I..uh lost my password for a while there...*coughs* and kept getting weird messages when I tried to change my password and everything, but the good news is. I'm back.
Now that everyone's forgotten who I am ^.^
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[09 Dec 2005|02:48am] |
Hm...
Well my mother is in the hospital. I called the ambulance around 7 p.m. and it is now 2:49 a.m. and she is still not home from the hospital yet. I'm not quite sure whats going on to be completely honest, and until about 30 minutes ago I was stranded in a different state by myself. Tonight has been very...very stressful, and I'm not sure if its going to get any better....
I hope she's ok...
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| Its just one of those days... |
[01 Dec 2005|09:53pm] |
Well, hello everyone. Its a new day; its a new life.
It is absolutely amazing how quickly a day can turn around. I'd have to say today has been probably the best day I've had in quite sometime. I mean sure there were some really cool things that happened, but really over all it was good simply because I started appreciating things.
Have you ever stopped and wondered how easy life is when you appreciate things? Honestly; when you stop taking things for granted the world just seems to want to make your life easy. I can't go around and say I don't understand why people take things for granted, because I do it every day. However, I can say that its so much easier when you don't.
Take every person in your life; for example. When you appreciate them the time you have together is so much more....amazing. Its so much more fulfilling, and so much more...pure. Sure people have flaws, but accepting those flaws as apart of the person only makes that person more perfect in the end. I know that makes no sense, but think about it. If in your own mind [heart] you can accept a person for who they are; with all their flaws, then there is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing about them that you will reject; if you can't [won't] reject any part of them, than the whole of them is perfect in your heart. The funny thing is; its your decision.
Its true you can be a pessimist, and you can be cynical. God knows I am great at being both, but just think about it. What does that get you? Nothing at all. It gets you the small gratitude of maybe falling off the ladder a step lower than normal, but thats all. You simply lower yourself so you're not hurt as much on the few falls you have in life. Why stop your life, why slow it down, just for a couple instances.
Its so weird to me, because I've realized that if you just keep going and understand that you are loved. [And every single person reading this is loved, don't try to say otherwise.] Once you realize that you are loved, then even when you have a rough spot you know that there will be people there for you as well. What could be better than that? You no longer are secluded...you no longer are the pariah, suddenly you're a human being.
After all; we're all human beings.
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All of that changed, by a simple outlook on life.
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Favorite Thing: Laughter
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[28 Nov 2005|10:34pm] |
Holy cow I am slacking big time.
Anyways sorry that there hasn't been a post in a while, I promise I'll start posting a little bit more. I've been very stressed (as everyone can tell) lately so I haven't found the time to write in this.
So life. Hm...a lot (and I mean a lot) of highschool bullshit is going around. I really wish I was out of high school, so people would finally act mature, but I know that will never happen. Even if I get out of high school there will still be the ignorant assholes there are in high school.
I think I've finally got my post-high school planned out. Thats yummay :-)
So I think I'm going to do something a little different; each post I'll write something of mine that is a favorite. Then in your comments you can tell me yours :-) (Sorry bored can't help it)
Favorite Food: Italian (LOVE Chicken Alfredo)
Whats yours?
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[23 Nov 2005|07:47pm] |
Well as I said before I quit my job today...I still can't believe the shift manager called me a queer and a waste of time, especially in front of customers. That made my whole week so horrible; I still can't get over the fact that they would say that. I mean sure I've been called queer before (who hasn't) but just I dun't know the complete lack of respect offended me so much. I'm thinking about turning him into coorperate and suing him, but you know...two negatives when you multiply; not when you add. -1+-1=-2 And we all know that -2 is much worse than -1. In all reality, I think thats the most offended I've been in quite some time; after all I did quit my job today.
Besides that life has been pretty a-ok. Thanksgiving is tomomrrow; a chance to sleep in (oh wait never mind don't get to sleep in) but a chance to get nice and fat. Its funny; we all have an excuse to over eat and lay on our asses all day long; what could be better than that? Not much. Haha.
Well anyways national qaulifiers for debate is in two weeks. Gotta say I'm pretty nervouse about that one; actually I'm extremely nervouse about that one. Oh well; no matter how it goes I know I tried my best :-) Or some rhetoric b/s along the same lines XD
Sorry I'm very cynical today so not much of an uplifting post. I'll work on that I promise :-)
Have a great day everyone!
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[21 Nov 2005|09:16pm] |
Short post today; maybe I'll make it longer and explain everything when I have the energy.
Very very shitty past couple of days. Only good thing is we took 3rd at that debate tournament, but yeah otherwise ever since then life has sucked beyound belief.
I'm quitting my job tommorrow...
Uhm...
Yeah....
I'm down...down in the dumps....
:-/
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| Too little too late |
[19 Nov 2005|12:55am] |
Its going to be a dull and short entry, sorry, I've got to be up in five hours.
Today was a day, just like any other day, but hell it was a day non-the-less. School, oh the joys of school, it was alright.
I had a really interesting thing happen in 4th hour. (Physics) One of the kids in our class had like a mental break down; it was really scary she was like rocking back and forth, shaking, and muttering to herself. Everyone just ignored her for a while; I really couldn't believe that. Finally, when I realized the teacher hadn't noticed her; I got the teacher's attention, and ended up walking this girl to the nurse's.
It was really, and I mean really scary. The girl had an absolute break down, one minute she was laughing, the next she was crying. I tried to help her out as much as I could, but I really doubt I did anything. However; I am getting some kind of award or something for me "quick reaction to a dangerouse situation." I'm not sure why they're giving me an award I didn't do anything at all. The fact still remains that shes going to be going to some hospital, and I can't help.
I felt really bad; but like I said before I just can't believe people completely ignored her. I mean I understand she's not the coolest; and truth be told she annoys the hell out of me most of the time, but to let someone just sit there through the pain. It was such a cold action by my class; I don't know. I guess I just don't understand people; I don't see why people don't care if others are hurting. However, yet again thats only my un-educated opinion.
Well left school early to go to my debate tournament. (Whoop yes; I'm a lawyer in the making, remember?) Anyways the tournament was at my old school; so I got to see my first crush. That was interesting; I miss the kid so much; he was sooo cool. Hehe he's still as cute as ever, and maintains thats he's straight. (Despite the nights we had together.) That really doesn't bug me that much though, he can be whatever he wants to be, and I'll be whatever I wanna be. :-)
Debate went really well; ended up winning both of my rounds. So my partner and I are 2-0. It was really sad though; our second round the opposing team gave up and literally conceded the round. Their last speaker was just like "Yeah...I agree...they win." and he went and sat down. I felt so bad for the two kids; my partner and I are both 3rd year debaters and we faced two novice debaters. It was really really sad. OH well they were really cool kids; and they learned a lot from our round; so that was good.
To be honest I'm really really really stressed about debate. My coach is putting the burden of both state and nationals on my partner and I. We've both already qualified for state (its easy to do) so he expects us to get like top 10 in state, and then he expects us to qualify for nationals (somehow...possibly the most impossible thing to do...aside from winning nationals). So the last couple tournaments of the year are going to be sooo stressful. And to think this is my senior year, I should be having fun :-)
Its really cool though, my coach asked me if I wanted to be his assistant coach next year. So I'm thinking if college falls through and I realy don't get enough money I can just become the assistant coach and help my friends out in debate. That would be awesome <3.
Went bowling tonight to practice before try-outs. Did a lot better than I expected I was going to do. I ended up bowling a 227-213-185-148-178-164. My average (as of now) is only a 154 so bowling those kind of numbers was awesome. Thats another thing I"m really excited for. I fought so hard to get bowling to be a school sponsored sport, and finally this year it is. I represented all of my high-school at all the stupid Board of Education meetings. God those things are dull. I had to make countless speaches, and now I have to worry about one more thing...making the team.
Heh oh well; more importantly baseball season comes up in March. Can we say state? I'm hoping to make all-state baseball team this year. I was a honorable mention last year as a junior (For center field) so I'm hoping that this year I can finally make all-state. (I'll be the first baseball player from South to make all-state in over 20 years)
Thats about it.
Its 1:07 a.m. and I have to be leaving my house at 7:00 a.m. to go debate. You know that thing that requires you to use your brain; shit.
Anyways have a great day everyone; sorry this post was so...vanilla xD
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| Starlight...Starbright...the first start I see tonight.... |
[17 Nov 2005|11:19pm] |
I was walking my dog tonight, in the bitter cold I might add, and something happened to me that happens every once in a while. I happened to glance in the south east sky and noticed a certain constellation. Orion. It was such a pretty sight, on a crisp winter night. The brightness of the stars seemed so pure, in contrast to the coldness and dullness of Earth.
It just made me wonder so much. I know we have scientists to answer all these questions, but its just hard to comprehend how vast something like "space" or the "heavens" really is. Sure to every single one of us, our lives are the most important thing that could happen to us, but really..does it matter? I mean in the grand scheme of things; is Earth just another Kansas? (Dear god I hope the rest of the universe doesn't see us like that. That would really suck..."Oh look its Earth; I'd sure hate to live on that boring planet.)
I always get a sense of Euphoria when I look at Orion. When I was a child; before my father destroyed all innocence I ever had, my father and I would drive 30 miles just to get to a deserted place. I always considered this place sacred in my mind; I was removed from society, and I was with my father. (Keep in mind I was what...7?) Anyway he would pull out his telescope and we'd just stare at the stars for hours, and I mean hours. He'd tell me stories of why each constellation was named the way it was; and we even made our own constellations up. I remember we'd make up stories for the consellations and everything.
However, the one thing that has stuck in my mind more than anything else.The last time we ever went on one of these trips he taught me about Orion. We sat there for roughly an hour and a half and just talked about Orion; everything about him, and why he is what he is. Orion quickly became my favorite constellation, at the time, to me it was the coolest. Everytime I saw Orion I thought of my father, it was such a personal connection to a cluster of stars that man would most probably never touch foot on. A connection; that for some reason I still feel.
I guess I just think its so odd that even though my father abused me, even though I was molested by his friends, and even though he denied ever being my father; everytime I see Orion I forget everything. Sure I'll reflect, and sure sometimes it may hurt, but through it all I know Orion will be there another day. Another day of believing that what I do is correct; and another day knowing that atleast someone or something out there will always be there for me, and not judge me for what I've done; or whats been done to me....
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This post is dedicated to all the Orions out there; be it in the sky or on Earth. To every person who stands for who they are; to every person who faces life head first, and to every person who maintains the strength from day one. Each of you are Orions in someone's lives; everyone of you can make a difference, and I just want to thank you for that very thing. Thank you for being an Orion; and thank you for being you
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| A Peom for the hell of it |
[17 Nov 2005|07:41pm] |
Welcome home; you've been gone so long,
You said you'd be quick; after you sang your song.
The song of life, a finished reflection
Of a time past; filled with recolection.
Do you remember the time we spent,
The times fighting over the rent,
It was all important at the time,
To enjoy life must've been a crime.
WHen the leaves turned for fall,
I remember the voices as they echo off the hall,
A place long forgotten, was where we lived.
Our heart and soul our passion to give.
We passed the days together,
Saying that we'd be there forever.
Why did we think we were so wise,
Why were we never willing to compromise?
I've waited, so cold, for you to come;
Finally you've returned; finally we have freedom.
Was your trip worth it, the time spent away.
Away so long, ever since the day.
Perhaps we learned something, maybe others will too.
A life, so preciouse, gone in a second or two.
Welcome home; you've been gone so long,
You said you'd be quick; after you sang your song.
I think there is a time when people realize that what they've done is not who they are. I think perhaps that people realize that every person is a versatile creature and is bound to change, and any effort to stop so only hurts themselves. Maybe holding everything in, and making yourself what others want is possibly the most hypocritical thing to do. Do you hold things in for others? Do you think that something might make them mad, or do you care? Where do you draw the line? Maybe we'll know once our own song is sung.
Today has been a day just like all the others. Just a day to relax and a day to have fun. Haha except the fun part.
It was sooo unbelievably cold today; really I'm sick of all the coldness. Thats pretty sad to say huh? I think it is considering winter has just started hmmm...
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| Its the first entry of many hopefuly.... |
[16 Nov 2005|11:56pm] |
Well I'm just another kid on another LJ. Heh. I joined this for a friend really so I don't know what to say.
I've been questioning a lot lately; as any teenager does I suppose.
Anyways a little about myself:
My name is Bryan. I'm a 17 year old kid from Kansas. My sexual orientation is non to suprising, but you'll know what it is by the end of this post. Haha. No I'm just a normal boy living my life the way I want to live it. Personally I absolutely love writing, shakespear, baseball----cute boys arn't bad either. I want to be a lawyer sometime; or maybe a writer. I don't know, to tell you the truth, I just want to be happy.
I think over anything else my favorite thing is: people.
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